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Your essential guide to what sysadmins really mean

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So you’re a sysadmin – blue team, red pill, grey hat.

Your brain works at the speed of a hyperloop inside a rocket ship slingshotting around a black hole that’s slingshotting around another black hole. You make the impossible possible, you make the improbable into the everyday and for everything else there’s a bash script. And then you make your first coffee of the day.

You don’t just firefight, you firewin.

If the other people in your company knew what you did all day, every day you’d blow their minds. If they understood your sendmail configs they’d hang them in the Louvre; your JIRA tickets should be required reading in school; your cabling would makeDijkstra blush.

But they don’t know because you don’t have time for their puny human words. When you do speak, you speak in compressed binary microbursts on a Slack channel they’re not invited to, and only if it’s the second Tuesday of a month beginning with Q.

To them your words are like the alien tones inClose Encounters of...(continued)

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